I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Apparently you make a good broom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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