I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
