Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize