just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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