the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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