i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
