Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
