I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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