Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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