I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
