To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had sex on a roof
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
