Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
