Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
