So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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