You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
