Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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