awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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