will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
