Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
