Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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