Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
