You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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