dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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