I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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