he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
