Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
