I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
