just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize