You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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