Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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