The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
