is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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