mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
