I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
