great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the day after is always just damage control
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
