The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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