i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
