Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
