why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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