i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
