i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
