like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
