His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize