My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
