me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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