I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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