we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
