I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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