In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
