so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I touched a dick in church today
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
