He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
