I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
