Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
