you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize