yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
