look no pants
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
