I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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