I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
