I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
