i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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