Betty ford says i'm here all night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
