Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
