I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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