my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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