my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
