TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
